I share a lot with Shaquille O’Neal. We are both big guys with dashing senses of humor, tastes in fine automobiles, a disliking to Kobe and even the same birthday. We have had a longtime one way relationship. I sent him a letter when I was in the 5th grade. Iâ€™m still waiting to hear back.
Now why do I love Shaq?
Name a cooler person?
Game. Seriously, you donâ€™t get better than the big man.
- When MTV cribs did his house, they almost needed two episodes.
- When he goes to the airport his car just turns into the plane.
- His shoes tie themselves, ask him how he is doing today and help him dance
- His body guards are called the ShaqGB
- He has a tattoo of SuperMan, which is a little telling
I was on South Beach two nights ago, and was excited. This was Shaq country. You could almost smell him. He is a freaking cop here, or at least was. He could be at any of these bars, buying $13 mojitos, well, he would be drinking them, the bars would never charge Shaq.
Because Shaq is a legend.
- He has five rap albums and a movie, and they are so epic that people donâ€™t watch them anymore, because his current show is even better
- He has a championship.
- The MVP award isnâ€™t given out anymore, they just describe how much like Shaq you are.
But this isnâ€™t really about that. This is about Pandora.
An Open Letter to CEO of Pandora Joe Kennedy
Shaquille O’Neal is a highly respected musician. Recently, I used your fine service to play one of his songs. To do this I created the â€œShaq Channel.â€
Perhaps it is a manner of personal preference, perhaps it is a sign of the times, perhaps it is just respect, but when I create a Shaq Channel, I expect it to be Shaq.
I discovered this at a brunch, with Champagne and crumpets. I cued up my Pandora, searched for his Shaqness, you know the one. Expecting to hear the most amazing rap music of alltime, I turned the speakers up high with a slight smirk on my face. Everyone at brunch is going to have a better day because of Shaq. The song started, and I was horrified. Sir MixAlot is not Shaq.
I know how your service works, but Shaq deserves better than these â€˜related artists.â€™
Shaq doesnâ€™t have related artists. He is Shaq.
When you go to a music store, there is the Shaq genera. There is ShaqTV, the 24×7 internet station dedicated to his greatness. Check it out, no joke, it is live and streaming.
So that was a total lie, but you looked, and that just means that Shaq deserves it. I know what you are thinking, â€˜Shaq doesnâ€™t have his own channel?â€™ Yes, sad but true, he doesnâ€™t.
And your fine service could do just a little of caring about this problem, so when I log in, and pump up the greatest music ever created, it shall be there, in all his Shaqness.
And the thought of that gives me hope in this world.
Pretend I am a child, with just one wish. I want Shaqâ€™s music to play freely on your service.
Update: My friend Andrew Bumpas photoshoped us together.