Split Shot

I asked for a split shot latte.

Simple enough, a request for a ‘half caf’ shot of espresso covered in steamed milk. Sometimes this drink is referred to as the ‘skitzo,’ which for some hits too close to home.

I heard stories that this Barista had once flipped out on a customer for ordering a ‘skitzo.’ His brother was in an institution, and the rudeness hit a little to close to home. The customer shot back describing his uncle in a metal institution. The Barista asked the guy to leave, citing if his brother was retarded, would he call his friends retards?

“But I just want a ‘split shot.’” I said to the Barista this morning. Almost taunting me, he rang up the purchase as a ‘double skitzo yummy in a glass.’ He knew I was walking on thin ice, even ordering a drink that brought up memories of him not liking people. He knew I knew of the story, and in this overly simplistic social interaction, was trying to mess with my under caffeinated mind.

‘Just a split shot, I’m not trying to be politicly incorrect here.’

We have a long history of random conversations when we both were not in good moods. Somehow we cheer each other up. A bond formed through 2 years of seeing each other in the ‘you give me coffee, I give you paper money’ kind of interconnection.

‘Well happy holidays to you.’

I passed over my $2.50 plus tip. Smiling, he handed me my change with some parting words, ‘a skitzo for the retard, and Merry Christmas’

So much love in the Holidays.

I wish you all the best.






One response to “Split Shot”

  1. meg Avatar

    I see the point of annoyance as – why even ask for half a shot of espresso? Or I guess you could look at it from shot-half-full perspective and ask “why only a half shot?” Are you a coffee connoisseur to the extent in which you know the subtle differences between 4 tablespoons and 2 tablespoons of caffeine?

    I used to be a barista and I always poured a little extra of the caffeinated stuff into the half-caf requesters to throw ’em over their oh-so-sensitive line.

    Hope you’re having a wonderful holiday in Oregon 🙂

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