A Medieval Translation of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”

Last night at Ignite Boulder 4 a presentation that blew everyone away was by David Mason of Colorado Springs, presenting on a medieval translation of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:

Come hither and hear my tale,
of how my status in life how somehow became reversed
grant me but one moment with your ear
and allow me to regale you with my tale of nobility in the humble parish of Bel-Air

In the rolling lily fields of Pennsylvania I sprang forth from the womb
My days filled with the innocent pursuits of boyhood
Retreating from the hot sting of the sun’s rays I frolicked in the most carefree way
Sport shooting pheasants with my dear kin folk
When a band of miscreants, true rapscallions who’s hearts contained no morsel of goodness
Enacted wrongful tribulation upon thy peaceful shire
I engorged in a bout of fisticuffs of no true magnitude, my mother… trembling with fear
Off with you she cried to the esteemed estate of your uncle, Phillip Banks Esquire

With a whistle I hailed a carriage and secured passage to aforementioned estate
Inscribed on the carriage were the letters F-R-E-S-H and the driver carried on his person a six sided trinket of vice
Let it be noted this chaise was truly without equal
However I paid it no mind and ordered that we depart post haste

I promptly arrived on the grounds at a juncture around seven in the evening
And I called to the quartermaster “Release me from thy fowl stench, you are utterly macabre.”
I gazed upon my royal grounds, I journey no longer
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.